My Least Favorite Films of 2017

Each year I sort of change the nature of this list. That’s mostly due to the fact that there are so many universally panned movies that I never get around to watching. So instead of calling this the Worst Movies of 2017, I’ll stick to calling it my least favorite movies of the year. 2017 threw a lot of lousy, unnecessary films our way, and here are ten that each made me cringe in their own special way. To see the full review, click on the title and feel free to let me know which movies made your worst list for 2017.

10. Baywatch

“The film wants to be an action movie just as much as it wants to be a comedy and seems to operate as if its sequences are actually intensely thrilling. But the entire time it just feels like you’re being told a boring story that might be more interesting if you were a lifeguard.”

9. Pitch Perfect 3

“The plot to this film is scraping the bottom of the barrel so much that they’re getting nothing but wooden shards. None of it is interesting or compelling.”

8. A Bad Mom’s Christmas

“… seems like it was filmed in a day, with the story following a predictable arc and many of the scenes being nonsensical filler.”

7. The Mummy

“… this Mummy reboot is just a soulless attempt to cash in on the hottest Hollywood trend without actually doing anything to make you care about any of it.”

6. Rough Night

“What starts off as a pretty basic story really goes all over the place as the story goes along. And not in the ‘so random its hilarious’ way, but in the ‘why is all of this happening’ way.”

5. Flatliners

The movie spends half of its time introducing the characters who are mostly insufferable… when things go south, you almost want all of them to get offed.”

4. The Emoji Movie

“Filled with enough bad puns to make a 90’s action movie director cringe, The Emoji Movie is relatively short on laughs… When it isn’t failing at puns and sight gags, the movie is trying its best to make social commentary that also falls flat.”

3. The Circle

“Emma Watson gives her worst performance since childhood as she spends most of the movie poorly hiding her accent and trying to find the correct emotional footing through an uneven script… The Circle ends up like an uneven equation. It raises questions then responds with an answer to one that was never asked.”

2. Unforgettable

“Another film about a crazy love triangle that ends in a same sex brawl at the end… the movie plays out exactly how you’d expect it without a single thread veering into anything truly suspenseful all the way into a laughable ending.”

1. Transformers: The Last Knight

“At this point, Michael Bay directing Transformers films is like that friend of yours at the party who was drunk hours ago but keeps tossing back shots… At a certain point, there isn’t any reason to care about any of the story… by the time you actually get through the two hours of bull crap and get to the climactic battle, you just feel exhausted.”

Dishonorable Mention: The Lego Ninjago Movie, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

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The Emoji Movie (Full Review)

Pixar kind of already did this before. In fact, between talking toys and cars, the animated film giant has cornered the market on turning odd concepts into critically acclaimed, box office gold. So it was only a matter of time before someone tried to replicate the formula. Enter Sony Animations’ The Emoji Movie, an obscure idea to turn phone emojis into a kid friendly comedy.

The_Emoji_Movie_film_posterT.J. Miller stars as Gene, a ‘meh’ emoticon who hopes to follow in his parents lethargic footsteps (Steven Wright, Jennifer Coolidge) and present the perfect ‘meh’ face when called upon via text by his teenage user. When Gene crumbles under the pressure, the ‘Smiley’ emoji (Maya Rudolph) sends a horde of robots to take him out before the entire phone is deleted. Gene’s only help is to journey with the forgotten ‘Hi-5’ emoji (James Corden) and a mysterious hacker emoji (Anna Faris) to ‘The Cloud’ where he can be reprogrammed as the perfect ‘meh’.

Filled with enough bad puns to make a 90’s action movie director cringe, The Emoji Movie is relatively short on laughs. James Corden and Patrick Stewart’s ‘Poop’ Emoji provide a few snickers here and there, but not enough to overtake a horde of eye rolls that will undoubtedly accompany most of the people old enough to understand the film’s jokes. When it isn’t failing at puns and sight gags, the movie is trying its best to make social commentary that also feels redundant.

From the start of this predictable narrative, the film’s premise is hard to get behind. The characters that aren’t bland, like Miller’s Gene who is completely void of comedic wit, are just flat out annoying like Rudolph’s insufferable villain. Even the message, “Be Yourself”, feels wholly played out in a children’s film, so Emoji Movie never manages to stand out as something more than a weak copy cat of something we’ve seen done with more originality. Director Tony Leondis deserves credit for some solid visuals and at least making an attempt to be endearing, but by the time the credits role it’s hard to feel any emotion about The Emoji Movie other than… ‘meh’.

FINAL GRADE: D